Personal Responsibility

For the first time since I was child myself, I am spending a lot of time with a teen-aged girl. She and her mother are currently between homes and I have invited them to come and stay with me. I happen to love this little girl like a family member so when I noticed that she seems to be taking a road of assuming as little personal responsibility as possible I was immediately disturbed. I have been working with her, trying to offer her a more productive way of thinking, because I see personal irresponsibility as a disastrous personality flaw.

I seem to be making a little progress with her but, to put it mildly, she is quite resistant. I can't say that this surprises me, the society we live in has made it unforgivably acceptable for young ladies in particular to avoid personal responsibly. Naturally, my observation of this young girl brings to mind a subject that seems to inspire hostility and anger in most of the people I meet, particularly those online. 

In the case of most violent crime the teaching of prevention from attire and the avoidance of location to general public behavior is acceptable. How ever in the case of sexual assault there is serious condemnation and taboo placed on any such suggestions. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not subscribe to the idea that there is simply nothing one can do to protect ones self. I hate this message because once it is believed people don't even try to protect themselves. When ever I hear the message 'there's nothing you could have done' it sounds as ridiculous as it would if that was the message pumped out to the public about STD's. Of course there are some infected individuals who have contracted such diseases by no fault of their own, but if the public in general was told 'its never your fault there's nothing you could have done.' how far do you think that message would go in slowing the spread of STD's. 

In the case of rape I hear the argument that the message should be 'Don't rape, not don't get raped', which on the surface sounds acceptable how ever there is a disturbing layer to this that I cannot support or in anyway endorse, that layer is best exemplified in slut walk. I watched that demonstration with disgust because the message I read from it was; 'Hey guys don't rape no matter what, and hey ladies don't worry about taking personal responsibility for your own safety.' I think about all the young girls who have no doubt seen, absorbed and integrated this message into their world view. 

I can agree that if a woman is sexually attacked she should be able to rely on her local law enforcement and medical officials for help. I agree that a rapist cannot be excused for his behavior by the appearance or behavior or his or HER victim. 

This is where my agreement ends. 

The general attitude toward sexual assaults and rapists separates these crimes almost completely from any other type of violent crime . In any other sort of violent crime we as a society can understand that the perpetrators are a blend of , mentally or psychologically ill people, desperate people, unscrupulous people, and in some cases people who are otherwise normal but have been outrageously provoked. We understand that it is possible for one of these people to target us especially if we tempt them  similarly we understand that if we are harmed in a violent crime that the actions the attacker chooses to take are the sole responsibility and choice of the attacker. With that in mind how many of us are willing to stroll through skid row dripping with our most valuable and expensive jewelry in the wee hours of the morning. 

I don't believe many would and that has a lot to do with the fact that the general message about other violent crimes is very heavily about prevention and avoidance rather than the complete undeniable innocence and helplessness of the victim. As is the case with sexual assaults and rape. 

If some one behaves with little to no attention paid to personal responsibility for his or her safety and that person is victimized, The message of 'wear what you want, go where you want, consume what you want, do what you want and no one should hurt you' means absolutely NOTHING'. if a person is victimized it doesn't matter who had or didn't have a right to do what, the victim STILL has to suffer consequences. For me the consequences were made more difficult by the very idea that there was nothing I could do to avoid being victimized again.

'There was nothing you could do." is poison.  It does absolutely nothing to stop sexual assaults and practically ensures unnecessary exposure to risk especially for young women to whom this message is most heavily fed.